I thought things were gonna go back to normal…

…and then I get that someone almost gave me a heart attack in place of someone older I like, like they’re not the same after getting sin from gay attention over me.

It’s not that they’re the same and need some time with their peers.  It’s like some big thing.  I didn’t really defend myself before they were to ruin it for me.  Everyone’s all suggestive and excited.  I’m supposed to have this “relationship.”  It’s like I can’t have it.  It’s very important to me and one of the worst things you could do to me other than things like physical harm.  In all the things that have been happening here, they just made it convenient for her to be modest but have to do this because other people will make her.  I thought things were okay and we were over this.  Why does it seem like it happened?  Me get a heart attack possibly?  That’s pretty dangerous.  I hope other people are okay.  It probably hit a nerve, in me.  It seems some people just itch to stir things up and get known that way.  So, can we like not say I’m in trouble because I shouldn’t be for these things?  If not, there might be some problem that we couldn’t catch.  Did the person who told me just wanna mess with me?  Is this a legitimate message?  I think it said it was off at that.  People are honing in on the older person I like like they have to stop us from having a relationship, just that I noticed and think it’s something I’m worried over here, too.

I just wanted to post about my mood, and they think I said the older person I like couldn’t do it.  That’s quite a lie of what I thought.

I understand it was a precaution.  I just feel it’s gonna be a topic that could come up and so since it might be big am wondering why I was in blame.

It seems like it didn’t have to be this way.  It just so happens someone felt this need.  Why am I in trouble, though?  How conveniently lazy.

It seems like I’m just losing my relationship more and growing more callous in some ways.  Other people are the ones soaking in something about this experience I had.  I do feel an itch that I’m supposed to meet or know them because other people do or could.  Also, I thought they communicated a different experience like this.  I don’t have to, but it seems like other people think I don’t deserve it and that it’s dangerous.  I mean, I don’t have to, like, if they don’t want to.  It’s not for other people to play with, like that.  I don’t know what to make of this.  It seems like it might be big worldwide, in which case I cannot escape.  I have a funny feeling with everyone being this way.  I mean, it’s, like, different, if I didn’t know them.  It makes me happy to see when people are happy about the happiness, though.  People get mad when I worry about it, though.  They do think she should go insane, though.

I feel bad.  I was rough in thought because I was upset by someone, over this though.  They just had to say something, I mean, I guess.  It is inappropriate, though.  The person might have felt pressured but won’t be nice.  I don’t want to end up like this.  I thought I was careful, but what if I wasn’t skilled enough in dealing with these feelings that are bad to have to end up having?

Oh dear!  Can I fall asleep, yet?  I woke up at 7 AM!

I guess I was redundant to a rhetorical situation.  I almost was given something like a heart attack in case the other person might, and I feel bad now I was carefully upset on the inside of someone abusing me mentally.  I guess that’s why.

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